Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Galang, galang...

I'll be back soon. Holidays and work and junk are making life difficult for little ol' me. Maybe when I get back I'll make MIA my Shriek... hmmm...

Sunday, November 27, 2005

I hate Daryl Johnston.

Really, I hate most of the Fox football announcers, to be perfectly honest. That's all.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Let the countdown begin!!

As of right now, there are 28 days, 14 hours and 40 minutes until the big T.S. That's right folks, I've got tickets to see the PANDA!! It makes me want to dance like the gloating 7-year-old that I secretly am!!! Hee hee hee... For the full visual, please throw your hands in the air, wave 'em like you just don't care, and jump up and down while singing something like "I am gonna see Tai Shan" to the tune of "we are gonna play Blue's Clues."

Even better, I'm wearing mickey mouse slippers while all this is happening...

Yup, I'm regressing.

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Shriek of the Week, Vol. 3

This week's shriek is in tribute to that fine island I call home, Long Island. And no, it's not Billy Joel. It's a female rap group hailing from Dix Hills, Strong Island who call themselves Northern State. I feel like the most cliched idiot in the world saying this, but they sound like female Beasties, but I'm not the only one, the Village Voice said so too. Unlike typical female rap along the lines of Lil Kim, Foxy Brown or Eve, Northern State deliver smart, politically aware and occasionally laugh out loud lyrics.

They're girls who rap and they're from Long Island and they're REALLY effin good, so go listen!! They have a brand new single available from iTunes called Away Away, or hit up their web site and sample tracks from All City and a few from their prior EP, Dying in Stereo (I recommend The Man's Dollar and Girl for All Seasons). I first heard "At the Party" from that album on MTV.com indie radio...

This girl at the bar said 'Northern who?'
I said it's Northern State haven't you heard of my crew?
Yo we rock the stage any way we want,
hell I'll rock this party like a debutante.

Consider them debuted! Check 'em out.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore...

Five things that made me angry today, in order of appearance:

1. Skimming through Rolling Stone this morning, I saw this quote from Adam Carolla, who for seemingly no reason whatsoever is replacing Howard Stern. When asked about the rock stations that are disappearing lately he said, "I don't know what year folks are living in. If you want to hear music, get an iPod. If you want to hear talk, get a radio. That's my feeling." I love my iPod, it's the coolest invention ever, but ya know, my iPod will never host a presale for concert tickets to my favorite band, it will never introduce me to a band I've never heard before, and when it plays a song that totally changes my mood, it's a little less thrilling because I put it there in the first place. I like hearing music on the radio, and I'm pretty damn sure I won't like hearing Adam Carolla on the radio. That's my feeling.

2. I had a hectic morning, figured I'd cool off a bit on the walk to work, and then it was seven million degrees outside. Luckily, this ended by the time I got home.

3. Just about everything that happened between 9 a.m. and 8 p.m.

4. I was at work until 8, and actually left at the same time as the Guy Across the Alley and still didn't run into him outside. Grr...

5. The farking bus driver went past my stop, and then when I asked her to stop at the next one (because the "Stop Requested" light was still on from when I initially requested my stop, so I couldn't just pull the chain again), she stopped by this tree, and I had to basically climb between bus and tree to get to the sidewalk. I was really, really trying to be nice and not pissy, especially since I'd had such a pissy day, I didn't want it to end badly, and that WOMAN dropped me off in the middle of the fucking street. Ugh.

Thank god for Ben and Jerry's. OK, off to Florida... Thanks for reading my rant.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Les poissons, les poissons, how I LOVE les poissons...

Particularly salmon. It made my day a gazillion times better today. This day was rough... Spoon apparently can't wake me up in the morning anymore so I overslept, one of my surveys went haywire, I felt like crap AND I couldn't find a decent e-card for my parents' anniversary, all of this on top of not having a plan for getting home at Thanksgiving or for that matter what to do with myself this weekend, so I was a giant stressball.

And then, I realized that cooking might make me feel better, so I decided to poach me some salmon. Yummy. Totally worked. But I do have dishes to do now. In any case, I highly recommend this simple, tasty recipe...

1 cup water
1/2 teaspoon vegetable flavored bouillion
2 (8 oz.) salmon steaks (3/4 to 1 inch thick), each cut into two pieces
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley
1 tablespoon chopped fresh chives

1. In large nonstick skillet, combine water and bouillion. Bring to a boil. Arrange salmon steaks in skillet. Reduce heat, cover and simmer 6 minutes or until fish flakes easily with fork.

2. With slotted pancake turner, transfer fish to warm serving platter, cover loosely to keep warm.

3. Add lemon juice to liquidin skillet. Cook over high heat for 2 to 5 minutes or until sauce is reduced to about 1/4 cup, stirring frequently. Stir in parsley and chives. Spoon sauce over salmon.

Voila! And it's even better if you dance around singing "Les poissons, les poissons, how I LOVE les poissons..."

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Shriek of the Week, Vol. 2

I've already been yelled at once for not telling someone about this week's Shriek, so I figured I'd better get him out here early so I can't be blamed for keeping him from anybody else. This week's selection is Ray LaMontagne. His music is sublime, it's soulful and tuneful and just plain absorbing, but so heartbreaking.

He's only released one album, so I've got ten songs to go on. I first heard "Trouble" last fall on WFUV while shuttling between Hoboken and Somerville during election season, and it's one of those songs I just turned up real loud and felt all the way through me. So I bought the album, and I've got those ten songs burned into my head. I think my favorite is "How Come," it's as close to rock as he gets, has a beat that sounds like it should be in a beer commercial, but it's clearly not a feel good tune:

"Love can be a liar
And justice can be a thief
And freedom can be an empty cup from which everybody want to drink
I said how come I can't tell the free world from a living hell, I said how come,
How come all I see is a child of God in misery, I said how come"

LaMontagne writes about the fine line we all walk between success and failure, love and loneliness. It's jaw-droppingly good and I can't wait for album number two. Click here to listen...

Saturday, November 12, 2005

The Benefits of Adulthood

Saturday morning cartoons ROCK as an adult! Here's why....

1) They come with coffee.

2) Thanks to the magic of DVR (that I paid for with my money, that I earned, at a JOB... yeah I liked that segment on the Daily Show) I can fastforward the commercials and not be suckered into buying a whole box of crappy cereal of one dumb prize.

3) But if I wanted to buy that whole box of crappy cereal, no one can stop me.

4) Also thanks to the magic of DVR, those cartoons are The Tick and the Simpsons and South Park. It's AWESOME.

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Nooooooooooooooooooooo...

I got two, TWO Land's End catalogs today. How did I get on their list? Do they really think I need ugly pajamas and practical jackets?

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Just Like Shampoo: A Play In One Act

***WARNING: If you are a boy and are about to read this post, do not be alarmed. Women are not obsessed with finding a husband, but every once in a while, being surrounded by engagement rings and catering discussions and Maclaren strollers and rising real estate prices combined with a lack of viable dating options leads one to this sort of thinking...

Cast of characters:

Girl 1 - Single woman, late 20s

Girl 2 - Another single woman, late 20s, appears only as the voice of reason via e-mail, the masterful communication tool through which we in the aughts keep in touch and learn societal mores.

Tom, Dick or Harry - A boy, Girl 1 has daydreamed about him, hooked up with him, dated him, considered marrying him, imagined him as a father, imagined all the fun involved in making him a father, or any combination of the above. No real relationship required. In this case, he lives in New York, Philadelphia, or Boston.

Scene I: In da club...

Girl 1, in overpriced jeans and a tank top belying the freezing temperatures outside, teeters on heels while dancing with friends, consuming many gin and tonics and making eyes at various boys, none of whom return the favor, except the skeevy ones whose eyes she accidentally catches and then has to avoid all night. Tired and remarkably buzzed, girl 1 and her friends leave the club, say their goodbyes, and she begins the long walk home. We begin to hear her thoughts aloud...

Block 1

Girl 1: "That place was fun... I can't believe they played the Humpty Dance! [Sings part of the Humpty Dance to herself walking to the beat] 'A doooorooo dooorooo, a doooorooo dooorooo, aw yeah...' [She wisely stops herself before limping to the side like her legs were broken. Looking like MC Hammer on crack is not attractive.] Hmmm...how many drinks did I have? The beer at home, two g&t's at the first bar, one when we got to the club, then two more... three more? [Stops, thinks, nods] TWO more while dancing, yeah, definitely two, that's five? No, can't be, no... yeah... it was five... [long pause, deep in thought] oh then that one the bartender gave me, and that was it, right? [Purposefully] Right. Not half bad."

Walk, walk, walk... stops at crosswalk.

Girl 1: "Oh yeah, then that beer. Six. [Despite obviously not learning anything from him, she pictures the Count.] Seex, SEEX drinks, ah ah ah. [Giggles out loud before remembering she's in public and straightening up. Crosswalk changes, she begins walking, starts digging in her purse. She takes out her cell phone and pauses.] Just checking the time. [Riiight.] 2:45. Nice time of morning."

Walk, walk, walk. She's now in a residential neighborhood, cute little homes all tucked in for the night. She starts scrolling through the names in her cell phone, finds Tom, Dick or Harry, and stops.

Girl 1: "The bars are still open in [New York, Philadelphia or Boston]. Maybe I'll just call and leave a message. [Stares at phone as if it will give her the answer.] No that's dumb, you know what happens when you do that. [Horrifying images of bad past voice mail messages leave her paralyzed.]

Two more blocks, phone goes in and out of purse at least 157 times. She stares down the houses around her, wondering when, IF, she'll ever have a place that really feels like home.

Girl 1: "Just one little message..." [Hits send. Look of hopefulness mixed with desire to pass out crosses her face. With each passing ring, she grows more and more disappointed that he doesn't pick up, and then she hears his voice mail... she tries to sound sexy, but mainly just sounds drunk.] "Hey [Tom, Dick or Harry], it's me, just calling to say hi, see what you're up to this lovely weekend. Give a buzz if you get a chance."

She hangs up, convinced she sounded like a moron. A few minutes later, she's peaceful in bed, snuggled with a pillow, still wearing her makeup.

Scene II: The next morning...

Girl 1 arises, looking a little worn, but so comfy in her bed. Bed has never been a better place than after a night of cheesy dancing and gin. She has no recollection of calling Tom, Dick, or for that matter, Harry. She gets up and cleans up the wreckage of last night's rush to bed, clothing everywhere, the random hanger that she slept with but didn't realize was there, the pre-party beer bottle left on her dresser, gets a glass of water and drifts back to sleep.

Scene III: Two days later, the office...

That satisfying g-mail ding draws Girl 1 away from her diligent effort at that TPS report. She sees that the e-mail is from TDoH and her eyes widen.

Girl 1: Oh noooooooooooooooooo! I did call him. [She swallows hard, digs out her phone, and checks the outgoing calls list.] Girl 2, Girl Friday, Mom and Dad, Little bro, Fellow Giants Fan, and, ugh, TDoH. Heartbreaking.

Girl 1: [Reads e-mail, Suddenly looking cheery...] His e-mail seems nice, maybe this will be different, maybe he does want something more than the random drunk dial, maybe he realizes that we're meant to be too!! [And she writes back with this in mind. Kinda flirty, kinda not, when she's not drinking she is sort of good at this! He writes back, and finally, she needs to tell Girl 2.

The following conversation takes place via e-mail, Date: Any given Tuesday, Subject: [New York, Philadelphia or Boston] is nice this time of year, right?]

Girl 1: I've been e-mailing with TDoH.

Girl 2: GIRL1!!!!!! WHAT are you doing?

Girl 1: I don't know. I haven't met anyone else, what if he's it?

Girl 2: He's not it, you would know that by now. And it would be much easier than this, or so people say, not that it's ever felt easy, but...

Girl 1: [Bordering on toddler-esque temper tantrum] But WHYYYYYYYYYYY?!?!?! WHY can't he be it? It's way easier than meeting new people! [v. proud of her brilliant argument.]

Girl 2: No one knows, but we do know that it is very bad to waste your time on boys who are so clearly not the one. It takes time away from your real life where you will meet the one. [And then she pulls out the big guns. She quotes Marie.] All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.

Girl 1: That would suck. Drinks next week?

Girl 1 capitulates and gives up trying to plan her trip to New York, Philadelphia or Boston, but points out to TDoH that flights between here and there are awfully cheap right now.

He never writes back. Lather, rinse, repeat. Epilogue.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Outrage can make you do crazy things.

Like post at work! I got my weekly iTunes new music e-mail today, which usually just makes me want to buy everything, but today, it made me want to yak up my turkey chili. Here's what it said:

"Four years after splitting with multi-platinum band Creed, former lead singer Scott Stapp is back with his long-awaited solo album, The Great Divide."

...Underneath a big picture of his ugly head. NO ONE has been waiting for Scott Stapp to release an album. In fact, we've all just been patiently waiting for the day when Higher is finally eradicated from the airwaves and can no longer torture the good people of the United States.

Now that that's out of my system, back to work...

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Shriek of the Week, Volume One

Everybody needs a gimmick. Here's mine... Every week in this very space, I will link to a band or artist who you really ought to know. I'm calling it Shriek of the Week because I am uncreative and really miss WLIR. Since this is the first time I'm doing this, there's a good chance I'm preaching to the choir as I've picked a surefire winner... Audioslave.

When two beautiful people get married, you usually expect beautiful babies to follow. Most of the time, it doesn't happen, or at very least, the kids don't quite live up to expectations. In this case, Soundgarden and Rage made a baby, and we got a fucking supermodel.

Audioslave is powerful, it just takes one listen to "Cochise" or "Set It Off" to know that, but it's never just noise. They put on one of the best live shows I've ever seen, seriously, it's a physical and emotional thrill. Their music has an amazingly clear sound, and it's often coupled with lyrics that go so much farther than the typical "break stuff/fuck you" b.s. that can ruin even the hardest rock. Their political leanings are well known, but they've gone beyond Rage's near tunnel-vision outrage to touch on the best and worst in life. "Show Me How to Live" is an exploration of belief and existence set to one of those fantastic "only Morello can do it" guitar riffs, "Dandelion" is practically a love letter, and one of my favorites off their self-titled debut, "Exploder," features a downright inspirational chorus:

"If you're free you'll never see the walls,
If your head is clear you'll never free fall,
If you're right you'll never fear the wrong,
If your head is high you'll never fear at all."

And if you're listening to Audioslave, you'll never be disappointed.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I see married people

One tiny week, two men down. One former i-don't-know-what-he-was-but-nowhere-near-boyfriend gets engaged, another is tying the knot, and me?

Still a spinster. Sigh...